A DREAM

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JULY 22nd

For much of the dream I was in my house of around it, and it was being assailed by monsters.

Worst of all was the Doppelgänger, who, during a garden party, lured a toddler into the bush. Me and my brother Miles chased after him, but the toddler was too fast for us. Once he left our sight, we never saw him again. Moments after this happened, the Doppelgänger returned, imitating Miles this time. I leapt upon it and tried strangling it to death, but its deck deformed freely, like putty, and I was powerless to stop it. Funnily enough, it didn’t fight back. I spotted a big stick, leapt off and grabbed it. The Doppelgänger say quiescent and afraid the way a trapped insect might, and I smashed its head in with the stick. Its body deformed like clay: (Drawing to be scanned)

I smashed it again and its body crunched up like an accordion. Once more and I think it was dead. The dream cut to an hour alter and I was locked inside. When I was outside, the air and the sky buzzed with paranoia, like a particularly low ceiling. The air felt dense and hyperactive, particulate rather than liquid or void. I was terrified of leaving the house in case I was murdered by a Doppelgänger. The light was also odd. It seemed to filter in as a pale, particulate mass, more like a faintly luminous haze than a projection of light: (Diagram of light occupying space, but not casting rays. I could see it, but dream light doesn’t need to cast rays into your eyes to be seen. Light filtered into the air like sand poured over ball-bearings.)

I could barely open the door without being overcome by terror at the open air. When I was outside, the dream camera was always distant, such that I appeared small, dwarfed by my surroundings. Inside was an extensive zone whose parameters I was very familiar with. I was fully aware of the distance of each wall, ceiling and object and my position in relation to those things. I occupied in my mind a tiny 3D model of the house, which I felt wrapped up in. The precise knowledge of my location closed in around me like an embrace, and I really felt safe, but it was a safety contingent on my terror at the outdoors. I have been in this house before, and I knew my family was there with me, including my Dad and my Aunt. Their presence burned in the house. Everything felt like a model.

I write like a toffee-nosed dickhead straight after I’ve woken up.

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